If you read last weeks report you know that I had a respiratory infection just prior to my run. I got the fever under control a couple days before hand so I rolled the dice and ran.
I actually felt pretty good. A little slow, but pretty good. After flying home my cough got worse and after a full week of coughing I checked into urgent care back at home. I didn’t have a fever but I was sick and tired of falling asleep coughing and waking up coughing.
“A little bronchitis”
If that is a thing – that’s what I had. That’s what my doctor said. “A little bronchitis”. Well I’m really glad I didn’t have a large bronchitis (if that also is a thing) because this little one was a pain in my ass! You know the headaches you can get from coughing all the time? That was me. Every. Day. The upside is that my abs were also getting a hell of a workout – though you can’t really tell on account of the raisin cake and gingerbread…
At any rate – I decided to hit up my friend Jason to see if he was available for a run. I’ve been following his recovery from an injury last year and noticed he was getting up in miles and we have similar pace – we also go back a long way (20 years?!) and conversation always runs from the very personal to the deliberately superficial and almost all points in between.
Also – if you read last weeks report you know how I feel about going way back. It’s not that I like reliving the past, I just get a weird push forward when I’m in touch with it. Jason and I spent a lot of hours working together in college. We also spent a lot of hours drinking together back then. The fact that we consistently hang out in the present and in a variety of capacities that do *not* include alcohol reminds me that the past (no matter how gloriously tragic) does not equal the future.
This weeks run was nothing spectacular. It was wet, but didn’t rain until the last couple miles. I was coldish, but not what I would call winter. The pace was fine, but got hard for me at the end (Jason is coming back strong!). I’d blame it on my little bronchitis but it’s probably more likely because I haven’t been running during the week, trading training for naps and recovery.
Not the Run
We did talk a little about finishing this 52 week run and I have to admit (as will be no surprise to a lot of runners) that even with only doing 10 of these so far there have easily been 3 where I just really didn’t feel like doing it. So the million dollar question is how do you do it anyways – especially when you don’t want to?
For me – for these runs – it’s easy. I said this was what I was doing and although my friends would be kind to me if I didn’t make it I would still feel like I had let myself down. I’ve made the commitment to myself – and not anyone else – and I think that’s the thing. I’ve had a lot of practice feeling a failure about my commitments of late but a little bit of inspection reminds me that there was a lot of success that came along with it.
I will also admit that there are a ton of other things I try and fail to do and I haven’t quite figured out how to commit to those things in the same way that I have committed to this – but hey – if I knew that I’d have to find something else to learn now wouldn’t I?
It’s easy to rationalize things away, and I know there are “zero sum” “all or nothing” people in the world who would lambast me for giving up, but I also don’t want to live in a world entirely of absolutes. It seems like a recipe for sadness. With a capital S. The kind you can’t fake smile your way out of. I’d rather just look the truth in the eye and accept it. Even if I’m the loser.
Still – Running 13.1 miles is something I’m proud to be able to do.
It occurs to me that so far my writing hasn’t been all that instructive in terms of “learning how to run 13.1” like I had intended originally and maybe that’s just the way it will be. Perhaps when I get back into the rhythm of regular training. Until then – I’ll just keep writing what comes to mind.
Next Week: A run with friends (I hope).